BoneShaker

Is amazing…I love it, very well written I am completely immersed in the world every night!

This year so far I have lost 7lb…not a lot but a good start.  I really want to lose 5 stone and even then I will have to reassess things and decide if I want to lose more.  Yes I have piled on weight in the past 4 years since J was born 😦

I came across a link the other day, which led me to another and another and eventually I found a blog of somebody I got involved with years ago, an American who wreaked havoc on my life!! and I fell head over heels and cancelled my wedding, he came over, we met, I knew it wouldn’t work out.  I sent him home, he hated HATED me and told lots of lies, his friends got involved, his new GF HATED me and sent nasty emails ect.  It was totally bullying and intimidating.
I let him into my life at a time when I was very depressed, I was vulnerable.
Im glad I chickened out at the last minuet and he went home.
Im not glad about the resulting backlash! it hurt a lot that he was so horrible to me. It was like a game to him I guess.
I heard on the grapevine that he and his wife had become ‘born again’ christians.  As pagans they were VERY Pagan and as Christians they are VERY christian.  They have gone to the other extreme.  If they are happy well good for them.

I found a post in which he writes how bad he feels now for the things he has done in the past, he names names, alot of situations, but not me…not my name OR anything which could be to do with me and that makes me very angry.  But I know its not worth my energy.
Getting back to my point, the links I followed to his blog, I saw video posts, before I clicked play I got a little bit of a scared feeling, what if I see him and it brings back old feelings?, what if I can’t stop thinking about him again?
I watched the videos and I felt…a mixture of sadness and pity.  I feel sorry for him, he seems sad and down and not happy.  I also felt relief! because I didn’t get those old feelings back 🙂 I looked at M that night and I felt really happy that things turned out this way! It was nice.